DISNEY'S CINDERELLA
She would wake up every morning
to an evil stepmother and jealous stepsisters
She was treated like a slave,
doing the cooking and cleaning
Her stepmother always complained about her food:
"Cinderella, the pasta is too sticky,
and the salad has ice burn"
or "Cinderella, the potatoes are a bit too hard"
Then Cinderella was ordered to make their dinner again
One of the stepsisters accused her of stealing
her dark blue boot-cut jeans
and white cotton blouse by Guess
The other stepsister accused
her of driving her Chevy Cavalier
without asking her
when she went to pick up Ivory Soap
at Duane Reade
(It turns out that her stepsister's ugly
boyfriend had borrowed it)
Her punishment was to go upstairs
to her stepmother's room
to hear a long list of new chores
like changing her new baby stepsister's
Pampers Baby Dry disposable diaper
and cleaning the kitchen with Clorox wipes
and wiping down the bathroom with Windex and Pinesol
Despite all of this, Cinderella was an upbeat young woman
She did what she was told, and she was very pleasant
There were times when Cinderella would give up
like where her animal friends had made
her a dress for the prince's ball
that was superior to Versace and Miyake
and it was ripped apart by her stepsisters
There were other times when she would
lose her temper or her patience
like when her name was called every two seconds
"Cinderella, it's Tuesday night, take out the garbage,"
or "Cinderella the hamper is full"
She had her animals in her corner
like her mice, her dog, horses and birds
as well as her Fairy Godmother
Because of the Fairy Godmother's storied enchantment
Cinderella was able to attend the ball
which was RSVP only
It was held at the Pierre Hotel
and Peter Duchin's band performed
The prince had his eye on her
even though there were hundreds in the room
including her stepsisters who had crashed the gate
One was eating Crispy Cream doughnuts
even though she was diabetic
The other was eating
a big bag of Cool Ranch Dorito chips
She licked the remainders off of her fingers
The Blue Book crowd was thinking, "How grotesque"
The prince was stunned by Cinderella's beauty
and was disappointed that she vanished
all except for her slippers
He arrived at her house in his shiny, gold Lexus
and slipped a glass shoe on her foot,
which was more fancy
than the latest shoe by Giuseppe Zanotti
They flew off in his private Lear jet
to honeymoon in Walt Disney World
and Disney's private island in the Bahamas
The angry stepsisters and mother showed up at the gate
but it was too late
The plane was taxiing out to the runway